Letter to an Activist

Fri, Nov 22 – 22:18

Hi Carol, (copying Barrie Zwicker)

Wonderful to get your message, I appreciate it. Of course, it ended up in my Spam. Hence, my delayed reply.
In the past month, since things have ramped up again on the harassment front, I have had countless phone, website and email glitches; plus:
  • The fact I had to go to 5 different cellphone stores to get a new iPhone (last Saturday – more to come);
  • I’m unable to call my mother at all because I get a pre-recorded message about a “privacy setting” which she never set-up and it only happens when calling from MY cellphone to her landline, thus I’m forced to use my partner’s phone to reach her;
  • And finally, the nefarious people and subtle threats I am experiencing (plus towards those I care about – my father has recently moved into a retirement home, and is particularly vulnerable, as per the blogpost about my Uncle Joseph below, whom I had declared would be the first target if things got worse, back in the early 2000s – long story, but a year later, he died on 9/11, November 9, 2003, less than 2 weeks after I met Ward Churchill, etc, at a Racism and National Consciousness conference to find allies and ask him in front of an audience what can be done about pernicious surveillance and harassment). I will be posting more later.
Two nights recently, I stayed up all night writing about 9/11 and Canada-U.S. politics, and each time, as I was finishing up, unknown calls from the U.S. came through (on my phone at 9:53AM, when I was at my parents; and on my boyfriend’s phone at 9:42AM and 9:43AM, when I was at his place – he was asleep, so it was just me and his phone).
Personally, in all my years of having a cellphone, I have never received random calls from the U.S. – especially as I was writing confronting politics about 9/11-related stuff.
U.S. calls 2U.S. calls 1

EDIT: In the couple of weeks after this posting, I’ve received more random calls from wherever I happen to be reading or writing about:

  1. While reading about white history from a Western Canada viewpoint, it opens with a discussion about a Maritimes Chapter of a supremacist group, called The Proud Boys, in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Within 15 mins, I received a call from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. (picture to come)
  2. As I’m writing about Canada and the U.S. “unifying” in what I finally realize (duh!) is all about conservative white control of North America (no room for patriots of colour, or progressives of any stripe, or truth-seekers, period), I get call from the U.S., but this time it says, “United States”. Not an individual city or state, like above. (picture to come)
  3. Editing my post about CanadaFirst, I receive a call from “Ottawa, Ontario,” the country’s capital. (picture to come)

I hope not to inundate you with my blog entries from 16 years ago (see below). But unfortunately, people have died, and the only reason the surveillance and harassment I experienced intensively between 2000 to 2005 went into *instant* remission for over 8 years (October 2005 to July 2013) is because I had a nervous breakdown and went into the hospital – so my credibility was shot.
This Canadian man Roderick Russell’s experience mirrors my own, and in his words:
“CSIS calls it “D&D” (Diffuse and Disrupt)”

SPOOKS, LIES AND THREATS – Canada’s Shameful Cover-up

Thank you again for the good thoughts. Keep up your excellent efforts! Let’s keep in touch.
In solidarity,

Friday, November 14, 2003


9-11: My uncle’s death

Wrote this on June 14, 2004 (with further editing since), but the events took place in November 2003, so am posting here, as well.
Attended conference on Racism and National Consciousness, University of Toronto (Oct 25-26, 2003). Keynote speaker: Ward Churchill, well-known Aboriginal activist and academic from the U.S.
[Note: Ward Churchill has been shot at (purportedly by the FBI), was fired from his university post, is often slammed by corporate media, and his wife died in a car accident, where the brakes failed. Besides his own struggles for Native rights, restoration, and autonomy, he also had ties to the Black Panthers, back in the day.]
Being outspoken, I posed questions to nearly all speakers. Met a woman named Beverley on first day; we left at the same time. She wanted to stay in touch, but would not give her phone number, and asked for mine, instead. She started saying things that made me suspicious. (I’ve encountered many people who have known things about me that they couldn’t possibly have guessed – more below.)
Three days later, on Tues Oct 28, I distributed an email about surveillance, race, social power, capitalism, and socio-environmental activism. I explained why I think hierarchies make sense – especially given current population imbalances – yet I also feel social harmony is desired by many, and certain changes are needed. Being critical is only half the battle: healing and action are also necessary.
My mentally-handicapped Uncle Joseph suddenly takes ill five days later, on Sunday, November 2. I had had an incident with a nursing home staff the year before and had long predicted my uncle would be the first target, if authorities wished to suppress my outspoken socio-environmental concerns and attempts at activism. By this point, I’d already been experiencing harassment for several years; I often predict events before they happen. 
During the week of November 3 – 9, I received a higher number of wrong number calls. This often happens, after I send out one of my email diatribes – or if I try to tell people about my surveillance concerns. 
Got several calls from one number: turns out to be Beverley’s. She leaves no message, so I assume it’s yet another crank caller. (Hear some calls. NOTE: These audioposts no longer work.)
On Friday, November 7, after five days in Scarborough Grace Hospital’s Emergency Ward, and after much loving attention from the nursing home staff, who seemed to treat my uncle as if he might be on his death bed (despite his having been in hospital on previous occasions), my uncle goes home. But, by the next day, he’s apparently contracted pneumonia and is back in hospital. At this point, I know my uncle will die.
On Sunday, November 9, I receive two calls, which I ignore. Just as I’m leaving to meet relatives for a family lunch, I get a third call. I answer, thinking it’s my mother — but it’s Beverley. (Message below is her earlier call.) She asks if I’m all right, saying how worried she’s been after trying to reach me ‘all week’ (the period my uncle is in hospital); she stresses this point.
We speak briefly, as I have to leave. Later that evening, my uncle dies. It is the 9th of November — 9/11.
Beverley’s Call
Questions About Beverley:

1. I’ve only met Beverley once; we had never spoken by phone before. 

2. Why call all week just to tell me you’re worried about me? (5 calls, no messages)

3. Why didn’t she leave a message, if she wanted to reach me? 

4. Calling twice within an hour on Sunday suggests urgency – yet, after a brief conversation, we make no plans and I never hear from her again. 

Analysis of Phone Message:

1. Message is contradictory. She says she’s concerned that she hasn’t been able to reach me all week – yet in her first and ONLY message, she uncannily assumes I am:

i) home;
ii) not picking up my phone;
iii) awake (in order to get her message);
iv) willing, able, and likely to answer her 2nd follow-up call an hour later.

2. We met two weeks before at a conference. She should have no clue what my habits are, or what I’m doing, yet she sounds pretty firm: ‘Be there‘ and ‘Answer your phone,’ as she will be ‘calling back at 1 o’clock‘. 

3. How worried is she? She assumes I’m able to answer, but what if I was sleeping and am pissed off that she’s calling back? If she were genuinely concerned, the polite thing would be to leave a message, asking me to call when I’m able. 

4. It’s true, I often don’t answer the phone (see why). Yet Beverley, again, correctly guesses I’ll be answering her second call. I only did so because I thought it was my mother calling with last-minute meeting changes. 

5. None of this makes sense – especially coming from a total stranger. My own mother would not assume so much about me – ie, my whereabouts (am I even home?), am I likely to retrieve my voice messages right away, my ability to answer a follow-up call (maybe I’m asleep, or the ringer’s off, or both).
Day After My Uncle’s Death: Another Strange Call 
(emphasis and name edits are mine)

What: Email from my aunt to the family re: my uncle Joseph’s death.

Date: Monday, November 10, 2003

After [my sister] called me last night about Jo’s passing, I immediately called my boys. As DaDa was busy on the regular tel with someone, I called his cell phone.
“Hello.” he answered the phone.
“Uncle Joseph just died.” I informed him.
“Uncle Joseph just died.” He repeated after me word for word, totally devoid of emotion or feeling. [emphasis mine]
“Yea.” I said.
“………” total silence from him.
I thought it’s really strange of his reaction and response.
“Who is this?” I then asked.
“I think you got the wrong number.” He said.
What’s so funny about it was this stranger repeating what I said, trying to figure out who the heck was Uncle Joseph.

[Edit: So thankful my aunt posted this incident. Mirrors exactly the odd phone calls I’ve been getting for years, always at specific times (eg, caller’s tone, timing, seeming/possible line interception). Authorities can easily *intercept* and redirect calls – even if you’ve dialed the right number. I’ve had many such incidents – but again, hard to demonstrate/prove to others. Please see ‘Technology glitches continue’ and ‘Big Brother – It’s all in yer head’. 01/10/10] 

The night of my uncle’s funeral, I was deliberately struck on the head, while sobbing into a payphone at Pape subway station. A strapping young fellow fumbled with the payphone next to me (and seemingly pretends to dial). Then, holding the receiver in his hand, he whacked me on the side of the head with his hard knuckles. Stunned, then angry, tears streaming down my face, I asked why he hit me, and why he hasn’t bothered apologizing. Turning to his buddy, he says: ‘Oh, we thought you were a guy. Didn’t we?’ (har-har)
I just happened to be calling my M-to-F transgendered friend Carl (pretty much my only friend during those dark years). If I was a guy, is that a reason to hit me? I was wearing a baseball cap and was hunched over, half-kneeling, crying over my uncle’s death and 2.5 years of sheer stress. I’ve never bawled like that in my life. This guy’s deliberate assault and mocking comment, along with my friend’s cold response in a time of need – literally on the saddest day of my life, while feeling responsible for my uncle’s death – were a devastating psychological blow. Something changed in me after that night.


Incidents happen to me on a near-daily basis.

As shown above, it takes a lot of explaining to analyze ONE of thousands of interactions and incidents I am constantly having  – never mind vandalism in my home, people approaching me in the street, well-timed computer glitches, website errors, power failures, phone problems, and so on. Over the course of several years, stress also takes a toll. 
The Real 9/11 – Do you value your FREEDOM
Within days of the horrific World Trade Centre attacks, I had started collecting and distributing investigative news articles that questioned basic facts around 9/11 (as it came to be known).

For example:
  1. President George W. Bush’s 23-min. delayed response (he was notified 3x);
  2. Failings of a trillion-dollar military system;
  3. The perfectly imploding buildings;
  4. Destruction of a 3rd building (former FBI building, WTC7);
    Note: “Explosions occurred in WTC 7 before it sustained any damage from the twin towers’ collapses.” (source)
  5. Plausibility of the Pentagon attack;
  6. The resulting war on Afghanistan, one of the world’s poorest countries, which happens to be in sightlines to oil resources.
And finally – if America was ‘under attack,’ with the World Trade Centre being the U.S. economic hub, and the Pentagon being the U.S. defense headquarters, why in heaven’s name was there never a moment of concern for President Bush’s safety, since he is Head of State. Considering the number of assassination attempts on U.S. Presidents throughout history, is this not a glaring oversight?

Anyway, see Loose Change, or read Citizens’ Inquiry into 9/11 or watch GreatConspiracy.ca for intelligent, investigative journalism around 9/11 and the unnecessary deaths of nearly 3,000 people, the aftermath and global implications.
[2019 EDIT: As you will see from two of the links above, they have been taken over by dummy operators.] 


posted by outside the box… at 

Monday, November 10, 2003


Keeping ‘Tabs’

Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 4:47 PM 
Subject: Re: surveillance and harrassment 

hi barbara (and others), 

My uncle passed away yesterday. They disconnected his life support just before my mother and her sisters got there. His lifeless body was still warm when they arrived. This is somewhat unusual, I believe, as family normally spends the last *living* moments with the patient. But what do i know? 

As for the surveillance, it’s not clumsiness: it’s a catch-22. They have pushed me intensively to the limits for more than 2 years, not only to see what they could learn, but also perhaps hoping to drive me crazy in the process and make me less credible. But as things got more involved, there were too many ‘incidents’ for them to hide their tracks about. 

I have done NOTHING WRONG. I want a regular productive decent life, while still being myself. Yes, I do need to question things, that’s called being intelligent. It’s what universities teach: critical thinking. 

Also, I would be far less politically-involved, if they had just left me alone. But instead, I am being terrorized. I have tried desperately to find someone who will believe me. It’s like being a rat in an electric shock cage, but no one else can see what’s going on. It’s non-stop harassment, and any concessions they’ve ever made was merely a ploy (eg, I was called in for a job interview with one of Canada’s most exclusive members’ clubs, The Granite Club, on September 11th — 9/11 — where I did a short stint as a Bartender). If they could eliminate me with no repercussions, they would gladly do so. They’ve clearly learned a lot from Hitler’s era. 

I believe it is my various thoughts, ideas, interactions, and writings about socio-environmental change, as relates to race, class, gender, orientation, Canadian identity, and Canada-US relations, which have led to my predicament. 

How is all this relevant? Well, I believe they’ve learned a lot from me about racial divisiveness because I have tended to piss people off (BIG TIME) by being too conscious about social differences. (This stems from emotional pain.) Plus my creativity in resisting their efforts to control and harrass me has proved useful learning for my surveillers, as they have watched person after person turn away from me

I’m not ‘special’ — I’m simply an affordable educational lesson for the ‘powers that be’. My interests in transformative learningco-operative actionorganizational learning and change, activism, spirituality, socio-environmental ideals, etc, are an interesting mix. I also happen to be highly outspoken with passionate views on national identity and socio-environmental innovation. 

What they want is: DIVIDE AND CONQUER. 

… Getting back to my uncle. I wrote an email yesterday after my uncle’s death saying: all I want is for the constant surveillance and harrassment to stop. I’m not a ‘terrorist‘. Yet this is precisely how they continue to handle my surveillance: like I’m a dangerous criminal. 

Today, a Deacon called my mom today to say he would be conducting the funeral services for my uncle. It is strange that he would call my mother. My mother has 4 sisters, and it is another aunt who has been far more involved in my uncle’s care. 

I’ve been staying over at my mom’s, and can overhear her side of the phone conversation. The Deacon is telling my mother his name is “Tab” Charbonneau. He even emphasized his first name, spelling just this part for my mother – ‘T-A-B’. One would think the emphasis would be on the getting the last name right – especially with official personages of this sort – but no, my mother only repeated his surname once – no spelling, nothing. So when my mom called her siblings, she told them Deacon ‘Tab’ would be presiding over the funeral service. 

I checked the dictionary: TAB is a British military term for ‘keeping check on’ things. 

Reading subtle and potentially threatening innuendos into this would be ludicrous – if I hadn’t already had so many strange and hostile experiences. The following are a few things that have happened to me:
  1. Strange people following me at night;
  2. People trying to befriend me at activist events and in other situations, who turn out to be highly suspicious and subtly threatening individuals;
  3. Computer files have been destroyed, plus internet hacking;
  4. A harassing landlord and neighbour(s) – you can’t even imagine; 
  5. Missing items from my apartment; 
  6. Repeated malfunctions with smoke alarm and phone, as well as blown fuses within a short time period; 
  7. Endless crank and wrong number calls (over 2 years);
  8. Crank phone calls the minute I step in the door, everyday, for 2 weeks in a row (how would they know exactly when I arrive home, unless I was being video surveilled); plus there would be times where no matter where I went, the ‘wrong number calls’ would follow me (eg, going into a photo shop to pick up pictures, the phone would ring, and I’d immediately know it’s going to be a wrong number; then, going to the local health food store, where I’d chat with the manager and the phone would ring, and I’d *know* it’s going to be a wrong number, etc, etc); 
  9. And of the few people I came across whom I would try to tell about the surveillance and seek help or refuge, several came to unexpected harm or they / someone close to them suddenly died. (Before you dismiss these as purely coincidental, you need to read more about these incidents…) 

In short, things have been HELL for the past few years. 

PS – I believe everyday people are being presented detailed information about me (possi, in order to gain their co-operation and complicitness in my surveillance. There is no other way to explain how various people – complete strangers – can make such knowing comments about me or anticipate my actions so well.
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