Freedom from Assumptions

To the various people who have been told things about me by authorities, I seriously hope that you are all FREE to read my blog at will, and not simply rely on their seemingly ‘all-knowing’ information and insights about me.

Newsflash: Spying has its limitations, too.

And why would people be informed about a harmless nobody, like me? Well, as many formerly European-dominant nations in both North America and Europe are now facing growing social problems and strained resources, due in part to diverse immigration and the influx of asylum-seekers, there has been a renewed agenda for (palatable) Judeo-Christian colonialism in North America, and around the world. There are actually quite a complex mix of nations involved, and I’ll leave that to someone else to suss all that out. All I know is, I somehow became embroiled in their control-freak, power-abusing ways and overall learning process, as a result of my being threatened with – and presumably put under – RCMP investigation in December 1997. (Long story, but you can read more here.)

I hope I don’t foster more divisiveness by mentioning all this; I know I can have that effect on people sometimes.

Anyway, in my heat-of-the-moment reactiveness to the ongoing break and entry, tampering, dealing with ‘moles’ and ‘co-opted’ people (something I don’t usually mention because then I really sound loony), and also ongoing threats to my health and well-being, as well as those around me, I have tended to lose the ‘richness’ of life, with its multi-layered insights, experiences, and infinite textures.

I would like to share one example of what I mean about CSIS et al drawing rather prejudicial and narrow conclusions about me, and often misrepresenting or defaming me to others. And it’s not even like “the pot calling the kettle black,” when they are in fact the ones engaged in highly illegal, oppressive, corrupt, psychotic, and downright murderous or health-harming ways. Yet, everyone looks at me like I’m the criminal and wrongdoer! Ah, the power of privilege.

The worst I’ve done is get a parking ticket, or taken certain liberties when I should’ve been more responsible or behaved more appropriately. These are FAR – SO FAR – from being on the same playing field. Actually, um, yes, during my previous surveillance years (particularly 2001 to 2005), I was indirectly and unintentionally the cause of the untimely demise or harm of a number of people. I did grieve over that for many years, yet as one movie character said:

“Feeling bad about something that happened doesn’t make you responsible for causing it.”

Anyway, you don’t have to believe my stories of pernicious, all-encompassing surveillance and harassment. However, these ‘co-opted’ people are being fed inaccuracies about me, which I simply abhor. (Frankly, that’s partly why I was such a boon to CSIS et al, especially in 2000 – 2005: I’m downright neurotic and I express EVERYTHING THAT I THINK AND FEEL, while also attempting to address my thin-skinned issues with others about any less-than-ideal interactions I may have with them. It all proved extremely insightful to authorities, as I tended to dabble in extremely diverse groups and experiences, and even settings (eg, BDSM play parties in downtown clubs). This allowed them to better ‘read’ people from diverse backgrounds or special interest groups (eg, queers, people with addictions or eating disorders, etc).

So today’s point of contention is this article: “Can You Lose Your Native Language?

You see, I am absolutely neurotic about the fact that my English native language skills (and mother tongue) are almost-lost. It’s frustrating and psychically painful for someone as communicative as myself to struggle to articulate myself (it’s like having suffered a stroke, I imagine). AND also, as a person of colour, I can’t stand being repeatedly pigeon-holed and saddled with all sorts of assumptions and perceptions of who I am, based on my now halting, spoken English. Actually, my boyfriend/partner has similar lapses in recalling words and phraseology, but he doesn’t get flustered so no one notices, and because he is Caucasian, they just chalk it up to age or forgetfulness. Anyway!

Kindly read the article, it’s quite interesting. I’ve added my own notes to it.

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