Greetings and Sunday reflections

Dear friends,

I hope this message finds you well, strong and in good spirits!

I was composing in my mind a few thoughts to send; however, they are long and rambling, as usual, haha.

While few people communicate using “radical honesty”, that is my preferred way of connecting with others. (Though reflections are sometimes needed to recall fuller contexts, because that’s just me. Others sometimes assume I’m being dishonest, when I actually require time and space to put my thoughts or responses together more accurately. (Not to paint an overly pure picture of truth-telling here. I have long upheld one’s rights to privacy, anonymity, etc. See “X-Men: First Class”.)

I am of course realizing over the course of 20 years (my Lord!) that there can sometimes be too much truth-sharing — at least by me; but I am an extreme case.

And certainly I take to heart pastor Joel Osteen’s wise and empowering message of speaking good and positive things into people, oneself, the world, life, and ultimately to God.

To also be grateful, despite the hurts or one’s circumstances. Not as conceding “defeat”, but simply to honour God the Creator, and uplift oneself and others, knowing that God does do good things, and he has certainly shown up in my life and blessed me, and so many others, and the world at large, in infinite ways.

Take heart, and read my other post about Coronavirus or COVID-19.

TRUTH may no longer matter in the 21st Century. However, God works in mysterious ways, and I need to respect that — without necessarily compromising myself, the truth of who I am, what Jesus and also society have taught, what I have learned, and whatever aspirations I may hold in my heart ❤️.

So hopefully, after this email, I can focus on other things and move forward in an uplifting, constructive and healing way.

In terms of being too honest (and critical, forthright, and instantly reacting to perceived wrongs, misperceptions, misjudgments, or misunderstandings), I certainly grew up in a very “privileged” time and way. I did not realize how long and hard the fall could be; and that so many may perceive this fallen state or subjugated role as right and just (the way of the world, according to God) — and not just for me, but countless others.

Long story about a 20+ year journey. I’ve lived and learned a lot, and many others did, too (both in Canada and the U.S. since 2002, unbeknownst to most); and not really in the ways one would hope for.

I also discovered over time that “it’s all about the signals, Jerry!” according to George Costanza’s character in the popular comedy show, Seinfeld. Sadly, even those tiniest forms of psychological resistance can be co-opted in an all-seeing, all-knowing “Big Brother” world of 24/7 surveillance technology. Thus, one’s subtle expressions of “empowerment”, or maintaining selfhood and personhood, can now easily be tracked and quickly suppressed or subsumed. Or conversely, potential oppressors may adopt and use such ‘social codes’ and messaging themselves to massively manipulate people, by misapplying them to generally trusting and unsuspecting individuals or groups — which is the vast majority of folks!

It is also clear to me from that 1989 Seinfeld episode that what has perhaps been an ancient mystery about both 1) communications between women, and 2) their aspirations for selfhood — may likewise be “reined in” through surveillance technology. By profiling people, learning to read non-verbal cues, subtext, “coded language” and other “signs”, and deciding how they should behave.In other words, women may once more be brought under men’s control, and back to a patriarchal culture and divine order.

These things are difficult to judge. I do know not only from what I briefly am aware of from the Old Testament, but particularly the incredibly strict religious judgements and standards imposed on me by conservative bodies while under 24/7 illegal surveillance, that the patriarchy which they ultimately aspire towards — and legal rights and cultural norms may gradually reflect this (eg, far beyond abortion rights, etc) — is in many ways the opposite of my personal values and identity. (Or maybe it’s just me, who as a ‘potential wife’ had to wait minute by second for whatever my seeming husband (not my current boyfriend) commanded, and a mere sip of water or tea, or a morsel of food became a many-hour ritual, test or riddle. Very tightly regulated — no freedom or free will, no independence or autonomy.)

Anyway, in terms of patriarchy vs. women’s equality, I’m not saying either way is exclusively right. And only those women in the future world will be able to determine how closely realities may resemble extreme Mormon-style polygamy, or a “Handmaid’s Tale” world. (Or maybe such restrictiveness will only apply to the groomed ones: good breeders, etc.) One can decide for oneself. This is a Bible-based version of where things are headed (search for “Strengthening the Patriarchal Order in the Home”):

http://churchofjesuschrist.org

Here’s a different view of relationship-building between partners, which one could easily and positively see as extending into the wider world. Yet, based on the “Coronavirus hype” etc, I have doubts that this 2nd link is where we are actually heading relationship-wise — both as a people and as a global society, or spiritually-enlightened planet:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love/

(A word to the wise: Hold onto every printed book or DVD, CDs, etc you may have; these may be the last vestiges of real, historically-reliable, accurately dated pieces of information the world may have, pre-2020. Even films on TV, as I mentioned can be falsely inserted into the global narrative. (See “Pocahontas II“, below). If for some extreme reason your personal library and resources should somehow be targeted, understand that things can be reproduced, modified, and readily inserted into your collection. I KNOW — that sounds absolutely crazy!! And yet, that “Big Brother” world George Orwell once predicted in his book, 1984 (here’s a 1984 crash course YouTube video) is already here. I could easily provide evidence of what I mean. However, one tiny example is the inexplicable addition of a certain CD-R by some pastor named David Ring to my CD collection: I’ve never heard of this man, yet this CD-R bears my handwriting; Ring has cerebral palsy, so it can be challenging to understand him for a 1.5 hour sermon (I am pro-rights for the disabled, including War Amps — totally changed messaging from a lot of organizations since January 2020); I/we have had repeated signs of illegal entry into our homes FOR YEARS, since 2001 (see film, Gaslight (1949)), and there’s so much more.

Too much to clarify. I’m not accusing anyone (except my 22-year harassers); just noting the possibilities for SOCIAL CONTROL, REGRESSION OF WOMEN’S STATUS AND RIGHTS, etc, and what I myself have experienced at various times, in various ways — both as the oppressed and as a perceived oppressor.

One song I came across recently sums up my concerns all too well. I found it on St. Vincent’s “A World of Music”, a pre-recorded radio episode. A young college student is requesting a compilation of tunes to enjoy, and inspire her, while “travelling the world on a shoestring budget”. One of the song titles is: “Rape Humanity With Pride” by Chimera, on their Mayhem album.

Chaos and order; light and darkness; “joy and oppression”; good cop and bad cop; carrot and the stick; the two sides of one coin — these seeming dualities may help us to understand current realities, the future times, and beyond.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/two+sides+of+the+same+coin

For the record, I am all for freedom of expression and supporting creativity. It’s just helpful for me to understand what another’s real intentions or objectives are — I mean that with each and every person I may encounter, on a moment to moment basis. Which is why I have barely acknowledged most people with more than a nod, or minimum politeness, these past several months — seeing as illegal surveillance and harassment has resurfaced in my life, since 2019.

As one may well appreciate, with intentions, there are usually overarching objectives, as well as deeply personal ones, and also, general day-to-day ones. With an awareness of such circumstances, life could easily become a perpetual game of “3-D chess”; and hence, adversarial. This can make it difficult to trust anyone, frankly.

All I can say is, watch “Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World.” I enjoyed it, yet it is more propaganda, fictionalizing and myth-making. Let’s face it: First Nations or Aboriginal people are largely decimated and often socially disempowered and struggling; some may be healthy and well-off or thriving, but…
Supposedly produced in 1998, as a “direct to video release”, which has never happened with a Disney film before — and certainly not to a sequel of a well-known original film, Pocahontas. Anyway, I regularly watch most of the animated movies shown on TV, often several times; “Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World” (1998) has never appeared before today, April 19, 2020, that is 22 years later. Even Rotten Tomatoes’s review site tells a different story (though this may likely change).

Screenshots to come.

So complicated. One would think from reading all this that I am very shrewd and cagey (I can be, and have become more so); yet, I typically wear my heart on my sleeve. But guess what? Honesty is no longer the “best policy”. A certain individual told me that years ago. Too late, for me!

In terms of expressing covertly *negative* or *defiant* social codes or messaging, I do tend to sympathize a bit more with one who may experience lifelong, systemic oppressions – in one way or another. I myself know that one may never truly escape those sometimes hidden shackles, as one can readily be reduced to mere dirt, enslaved, or even subjected to harm, murder, even genocides — in spite of all that one individual or an entire group may be, or have done, and/or simply respecting the sanctity of life itself. (“People in the know” may assume I am referring to myself here, but I’m not; it’s a whole spectrum of people and groups: recent, past and historical.)

This truth about oppression may apply to all people; however, it has historically been and is now increasingly truer for some than others. As is demonstrated by the “prey-predator or predation” evolutionary model. And also read ancient spiritual texts of the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, Islamism / Muslim).

(Search my posts about Frozen II or La Reine de Neige II. Yet, I now see even this has been a convenient propaganda mirage to lure people into “The Mission”, and onward. Frankly, there is absolutely NO WAY power-hungry people and talented scientists, technologists, surveillers, etc are going to fully embrace a pastoral “Garden of Eden” world of bliss. And surely an eco-positive and non-polluting form of space exploration and colonization of other planets would take a MILLENIA, at least, to formulate and develop?)

And then, there is always the very human likelihood of “the oppressed becoming the oppressors”, in order to safeguard oneself, one’s power, and/or one’s groups. I’ve witnessed and experienced that, in so many ways and instances, big and small.

(See various works on “power relationships” and “the oppressed”. Wow, more censorship: my web surfing is seriously being curtailed and censored. Also I see that books I once read on these subjects are nowhere to be found online. And trust me about CENSORSHIP: I have 1000+ photos, videos, screenshots and audio recorded since November 2019 to corroborate these many claims. For 3 months I could not upload virtually any of them; then, many were or are being sabotaged, etc. Now, I have so many, it will take time to decide which to focus on. )

Somewhere in my notes, I believe I touched on the delicate art of holding onto and managing power. Something I personally know little about, and was never interested in — beyond achieving or enjoying simple freedom, personal wholeness, autonomy, and expressing one’s creative drives. I only initiated certain things because no one else was doing so; possibly I might’ve had more “leadership potential”, if I had had siblings, or different role models, or if leadership training had been available in my youth — as it should be for every young person. Not my thing, anyway.

Nevertheless, there are well-documented social experiments about how merely treating people differently (eg, using temporary labels among a group to identify the “Leaders”, “Followers”, and “Outcasts”) brought about surprisingly quick changes in one’s behaviour, attitudes, self-concept and confidence levels, for better or for worse. It really underscores the importance of both positive child-rearing techniques and the general treatment of students at school, etc.

To love and celebrate each individual child uniquely, and bring out the very best in them — regardless of differences — really can do a world of wonders!

As I had written in 2000, I saw promising, bright, beautiful young people fall by the wayside during my school years, just because of their backgrounds (socioeconomic; race or ethnicity — white or black, etc; family situation, etc), or rebellious behavioural issues, etc. It was a silent tragedy, this weeding out of people who didn’t “fit the mold”. It’s like cutting down a person’s life, before it’s even started. One talented, personable, intelligent young man I really liked, later died — impoverished, stealing food for his baby. He was once such a bright light.

Ah, but these notions of bringing out the best in ALL are clearly backwards. And yet, if we hadn’t had some free, democratic countries, what might’ve happened to so many who started out as “real duds”, and later blossomed, making great strides and contributions for humanity?

Anyway, if the rollbacks and exclusion of certain or all East and Southeast Asian folks in various media messaging are anything to go by, just be prepared

(hello, Las Vegas!, or the newly launched CanadaTogether.com site — very close to my blog’s logo: “CanadaTruth – Living Together”).

(NOTE: I always noticed the general exclusion of South Asian people from most media advertising and visual communications, for decades — until more recently. Often, it seemed that black/African-American individuals represented all brown and black peoples. )

I have also been witnessing the same setback patterns (career, health, financial, etc) and strategic interference among people I know, over the past 15 years. Their crimes? Being Canadians or Americans of certain ethnic heritages, and merely existing.

Oh, and Ontario’s newest casino held their 3rd Hiring Session at the Chinese-Canadian Cultural Centre (either in Durham or Toronto). Because as the private investigator character Angie Everett, in the highly enjoyable Canadian TV series, Private Eyes, said tersely to their Asian receptionist, Samantha Wan, “Just be glad you have a job!

I can and am seeing meat-packing and slaughterhouse jobs in the future, for some!

You see, myself being a 6-year university-educated, Toronto-born Chinese-Canadian working in minimum wage jobs isn’t just a prospect for me. Oh no, behind the scenes, one may discover some interesting “truths”, discrepancies and stark inequalities happening for a whole lot of people (many different social groups and races, trust me). Welcome to 2020, and beyond, folks!

SPOILER ALERT TO MILLENIALS, WOMEN AND ALL FUTURE YOUNG PEOPLE:

One may enjoy new positions of status and responsibility — yet at 1/10th the pay. This means, instead of tithing 10% of your income, you’ll be earning that amount for the same work done. However, you won’t find any real info online about true and comparable salaries, trust me. All part of the rollbacks, while an elite few amass more power and wealth.

LAWLESSNESS and SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Certain obedient East Asians here in Canada (I can’t speak for the rest…), may fare alright for the foreseeable future — especially “enforcers” like my neighbours. (Didn’t notice they were particularly “spiritual” or church-goers these past 19 years; yet they have obeyed Big Brother right on cue in harassing me and tampering with our vehicles and property. Somehow that’s all that is required to meet the ‘strict’ criteria of an ethno-religious inspired New World Order. Lol. No doubt, their criminal acts are a great delight to God.)

All I know is both high-fliers and everyday citizens have been targeted: bright, talented, hardworking, God-loving, good people. As I assume most of us are. It is purportedly a religious cause and underground movement — and yet, it has all the hallmarks of thuggery and ‘organized crime’ — deceit, treachery, threats, harm, and worse.

Oh the joys of a post-9/11 world, and the far-reaching price many others may indirectly pay because one damn fool chose to stand in solidarity with ALL. And yet, those very same targeted groups are in fact now part of the religious reunification of Abrahamic faiths worldwide.

Yet it would seem it is far more about power and control, rather than upholding spiritual values and ideals — in terms of how things are playing out. All I can say is: Love God, first and foremost; pray and/or send out good thoughts; maintain principles or personal integrity; respect your parents; treasure and honour your loved ones and others as much as possible; be true to yourself; and did I mention praying?

By the way, withdrawing my financial support is not a slight towards one, but simply:

a) being practical (checked my credit card etc, 2 days ago, and I’m $20,000 in debt!!); and

b) recalling how I’ve been manipulated by certain others “in the know” over these past years, in various ways.

It is equivalent to tossing a biscuit to the starving, disempowered masses merely to pacify them. Yet, so assiduously done; not in an overtly arrogant fashion like, “Let them eat cake!” Yet for all intents and purposes, it’s precisely the same exploitative, penny-pinching approach of working people to the max — or cutting off their income opportunities, while draining their economic resources, and amassing power over others, rather than power with. Yet, even some billionaires draw the line at “selling snake oil” to the sick or needy. I could name a few good role models for principled wealth-building.

Far too many of us liberals, progressives and even activists are often blissfully unaware of or blind to such intentions and workings. Which is why we often don’t have “a voice at the table” — in proportion to our knowledge and/or our well-grounded advocacy for the protection, interests, well-being of ALL people and environments. Vitally important decisions that affect all of us are being made by a small elite group; society as a whole is determined by those who may not have full awareness or comprehension about realities outside their scope, or even thinking and ideas beyond their spheres, etc. In short, life, society, *planetary everything* and beyond, are being directed and FORMULATED without key players and input from informed voices.

I started out talking about social codes and signals. Personally, I can understand and appreciate people’s various tiny symbolic acts of seeming “defiance” within an all-pervasively oppressive world or system. Others may see it as betrayal, violation, disrespect, or even a sign of “parasitism”.

(NOTE: In response to the tune, “True Colours,” and my Earth Day post on “Friendliness: The Peak of Love“. Unfortunately (!!!), I need to delete or edit various content — not according to its *spiritual* content or references, yet for simple ACCURACY or DUPLICATION. Unlike for many, these things do matter to me. Ack, people are…amazing.)

I simply wanted to express my continuing love for you, Kusum and R., and my true pain about a past that I assumed was no longer part of my present; and to you S. for my possibly reacting unkindly or backhandedly to your recent email.

These misdoings and at-times inconceivable tragedies have been happening since 2000; I truly hope you and others may appreciate that I am as much at the mercy as anyone else. Honestly, I thought it had all come to a stop in 2005; but I was obviously wrong.

Because of some past traumas and **interpersonal wonkiness** I have sometimes struggled with, I did briefly mention my “surveillance years” (2000 to 2005) to K, when we first met. Not in detail. Just said I’ve got wonky energies and past trauma — and this is why. She didn’t ask for explanations. She simply accepted me, for ME. Her world was her family. Though she had formerly been an outstanding chemist, and was a spirited woman — we didn’t have philosophical discussions, or analyze socio-environmental problems. We enjoyed simple things, like feeding the birds or an occasional fish and turtle.

Any possible threat to her is more likely about suppression or ‘retribution’ based on OTHER FACTORS (although nevertheless accomplished through surveillance) — and not the least of these is religious factionalism.** Yet, likely encouraged by yet other controlling groups, who are interested in “Divide and Conquer” by pitting people against each other. Another potential, yet inconceivable factor may be the marvellously egalitarian relationship R and K shared and enjoyed: True friends. Everyone should be so blessed!!!

**“Factionalism is a class spirit which will sacrifice the interest of the whole to the interest of the class.”

(Source: Dictionary.com)

I would ADD to the above that seeking the “greater good” should also reasonably include all the existing parties and elements, and working towards an overall and HOLISTIC VISION. But no, that’s NOT “how the world works”.

I do feel the attacks on me and my admittedly deeply-flawed character are unfair. I wonder, in the wide world, how many could withstand such intense and invasive scrutiny, judgements, etc — and not be found wanting?

Great Canadian activist-politician Tooker Gomberg and a few others I know are superb exceptions (although several of them would also acknowledge that they benefit from “white privilege” and/or “male power”, plus “behind-the-scenes” hidden support and *indulgence*, etc). Yet, most of us are average folks with no shortage of sins.

By the way, I have no problem critiquing my own social groups or “tribes”, and often have. The only reason I have not been forthcoming in this area is twofold (and the 2nd set of REASONS are the bigger cause; yet for readability, I put this one first…):

1) As an adult, I have experienced reprisals, sabotage, ready betrayals, lack of support, etc, at the hands of “my people” — not often, but enough to make one wary; and during my lifetime, I have seen what happens to those who “buck the system” or challenge authority.

(NOTE: This is a rather complex subject that I haven’t explored. My parents fled the Communist War in China around 1949; both their families went to Hong Kong for a few years, then a British colony. They each left in their late teens — my father came to Canada, and my mother went to California, and eventually moved up to Canada. After I graduated university, I got a summer job in Hong Kong, as I had planned to “work my way around the world” (with various books on that theme). While it wasn’t “ideal” in HK — as there were extreme contrasts between lovely beaches and crowded skyscrapers, and likewise fresh air vs. terrible air pollution; and leisurely pace of life and the predominant “rat race” world. Yet, I will say I myself and many others whom I had the great delight and privilege of meeting, we enjoyed the sense of freedom we found in Hong Kong, due to the East meets West culture. The Chinese venerate harmony and balance (think Tao), respect for family / authority / order (think Confucius), community, sharing with loved ones, hard work and generally keeping to themselves; while the British respect individuality, certain amounts of freedom, autonomy, creativity, innovation, politeness, humour, personal expression, merrymaking, and more. Both cultures appreciate PROSPERITY, among other things. Sorry, more to come…)

2A) Since returning to Canada in 1997, after working in Hong Kong for a few years (see upcoming post), I have experienced MANY PERSISTENTLY NEGATIVE PERCEPTIONS about me and my race, for example, and my presumed “ethnicity”, despite my being born and raised in Canada.

(Ethnicity being a “social group that shares a common and distinctive culture, religion, language, or the like” (Dictionary.com). Most people now assume I am HK Chinese, due to the large influx of HK Chinese since the mid-80’s — whereas when I grew up, everyone was Canadian and was largely assimilated. Another huge topic — people can celebrate and embrace diversity; yet it is fundamentally important to maintain a common language(s), values, practices, understanding, cultivate an informed voting public to maintain democracy, as well as create and promote a shared vision for the nation (all mostly IRRELEVANT NOW, as it’s a return to colonialism). Anyway, experiencing HK was just as much a shock to my system, as for any foreigner pretty much. I wasn’t an Amy Tan facsimile (“The Joy Luck Club”). My parents were educated in English, attended university in North America, had had good office jobs with a crown corporation and the government etc, they didn’t have any accent and we spoke English, so I generally assumed I was as much part of and from this country as any other Canadian — WE ALL DID. Hahaha 😂.

2B) Plus, my illegal surveillance odyssey ever since 1997…ack, forget it.

It’s all a complex *evolution* — or “devolution“, in my case. For the past 23 years, I have been perceived as an immigrant; yet from birth to my 20’s, I was as “Canadian” as anyone else, and generally treated as such (though of course discrimination always persists).

Just to give a sense of how negative my life was becoming, and the the type of treatment I was attracting — here are a few TINY instances (though most “systemic discrimination” is obviously unspoken, and well-hidden):

– I’d simply cough while standing on a crowded subway platform, and everyone around me would quickly scramble away, thinking I might spit on or near them!

– One of the few times I did spit in public, and under a tree (I would have done so in the nearby garden, yet the bus was coming), it’s because I got a mouthful 👅 of black car exhaust, as cyclists so often do and likewise expectorate — yet some woman loudly lambasted me in front of a dozen people: “You people!! You’re always spitting everywhere! Filthy, disgusting”, etc.

(NOTE: To those “in the know”, while I was living, working, studying and travelling overseas for 6 years in Hong Kong, India, much of Southeast Asia, a training trip to Europe, etc, I showered daily (often 2x/day) and practiced good hygiene. I didn’t DEVOLVE until after I got back to Canada; it began gradually, first suffering a “crisis of faith” (which to outside observers simply looks like a year-long depression), etc. MY INCREASINGLY BIGGEST BEEF IS THE PERCEPTION OF CHINESE PEOPLE AS UNCLEANLY (much like the Jews in Italy, historically; hence, the Italian term: “GHETTO”; referring to Jewish neighborhoods.

– I’d often run for the TTC bus at the subway station (just in case it was about to leave), and bus drivers would wait until I reached the door, then slam it shut in my face (so many times!).

The irony is: I am one who always greets bus drivers, and thanks them for getting me safely to my destination, making conversation if no one else is around, etc; and if possible, I would exit through the front door, just so I could thank the driver, and wish them a good day. Did it make me feel good, too? Of course, isn’t that what “community” is all about? These days…well, whatever.

– Over the years, due to wonky energy (chakra issues), plus internalized oppression, profound trauma (primarily from surveillance/harassment) and more, I became increasingly distrusting of others (deep down) yet more impactful upon my life and personal interactions — I became extremely nervous around money, and in stores or restaurants or at work, etc, such that many people, co-workers, even relatives perpetually viewed me as a shoplifter or thief about to rob them blind.

(NOTE: The above is a *rare* result of frustrated, misaligned and traumatized energies. Please read about “chakra healing“. What I am describing is NOT OBVIOUS NEGATIVITY to most — just subtly “bad vibes”. It’s a complicated issue of not being fully aligned, healed and whole in my integrity. *** Please read the many books about “EMPATHS” floating around now. *** Sometimes, if a person or a whole company, or even an entire nation is in *angst*, I simply take on these things emotionally. Despite my closely-studied heartless and sociopathic ways — and I’m quite sure there are plenty of psychopaths or sociopaths among the successful and well-liked wealthy elite, celebrities, athletes, etc. Anyway, the science around “personal energies” etc has finally caught up with what spiritualists, Eastern cultures, New Age types, etc have always known.)

– We could also talk about my first blog on “surveillance in Toronto”: the more I described how insidious, twisted and threatening things were, the more people perceived me as some master criminal, while they had a very noble and rosy picture of the people I described, some of whom repeatedly showed up in my life — especially a certain “mole” who *befriended* me (long story), and yet always maintained a constant level of threat (eg, his comments about “mushing brains”, after I had called the police for the first time in my life about safety concerns; and then, he showed up right on cue). Yet, I’m sure if actual photos of us both were shown, there might’ve been a bit more balanced view of the situation. (Physical appearance of course being such a huge influence on people’s perceptions of honesty, credibility, trustworthiness, and so on.) He wasn’t exactly Paul Gross and Due South material (Canadian crime show from 1994-1999). I don’t mean to sound unkind; although I have been treated a million times worse by him and many, so I may make the occasional jab. HOWEVER, I AM WORKING ON FORGIVENESS! 👩🏻🤓

These are just the tiniest incidents of degrading, dehumanizing or threatening treatment I was experiencing regularly — ON TOP OF being violated and terrorized by my own government (or so I once thought; but I’ve finally and truly realized the “No Coloureds” policy will always apply — unless one is “hooked up” with the right people). So yeah, I can appreciate other people’s concerns and outrage about being drawn into Big Brother’s survey; I feel the same way!

I admire those, like the Jewish people, who are able to overcome and transform tragedy with seeming total forgiveness or forbearance towards their murderers and oppressors, as with the atrocities of the Holocaust in WWII. Just in a few short decades, so much healing had occurred. Even soon after and especially now, collaborating with those same people and nations in other exploits. (I note the sudden prevalence of Germany-based websites or the use of German-language sourced sites, instead of English ones, recently. I also announced a “Rewriting of the Internet in 2020” is underway.) And yet, I myself have never been forgiven for the untimely and unnecessary yet-well-planned tragic death of a great Jewish-Canadian hero, nearly 20 years ago. How many great ones were killed or unbelievably traumatized in Nazi Germany? And yet, only the absolute highest commanders in Adolph Hitler’s Third Reich were ever punished by Israel 🇮🇱.

I have been intending to research Jewish humour, and forgiveness or forbearance (towards most – yet frankly, race is a clear factor in which violators’ get conveniently forgiven or embraced, if one examines anti-Semitic oppression across centuries and millenia); also, the resilience of the Jewish people, especially in the face of repeated tragedies and atrocities. I’ve seen a few related TV documentaries.

However, one little anecdote by my wise friend Aaron perhaps sums up self-effacing Jewish humour well. Someone once jeered at him, “Your mother’s a whore!” And he replied: “Yeah, but she’s the best whore in town!”

I may be his opposite with my impatience and emotional reactivity, pride, arrogance, etc — although I wasn’t always so overly bent this way.

And I realize I may have MANY, MANY, MANY SHORTCOMINGS AND LIMTATIONS — more than I realize. However, I wasn’t looking to “change the world” or “help people and planet, or Canada 🇨🇦 strengthen and improve, or rebalance,” in any way.

NO, 6 months ago, I was simply trying to live happily and quietly with my boyfriend, enjoy life, maintain a simple enjoyable job, etc. I didn’t expect to be on anyone’s radar, have every facet of my life exposed, or be subjected to threats, etc. I just sent a few emails, and kaboom. Da-da-dat’s all, folks!

Anyway, it’s a vendetta from 16 years ago.

I may be a “kitschy” person with banal ideas and outmoded values (and also, too-progressive ones); yet, I take comfort in knowing some of my views about peaceful and respectful coexistence, and trying to help the weak and vulnerable, while considering everyone equally worthy of God’s salvation — including and sometimes especially those who are most downtrodden, or widely judged “sinful”, “unworthy” and “unrighteous” — are all teachings in the Bible, particularly in the New Testament, as espoused by Jesus and his disciples.

Also various writings about the Qu’ran / Koran are a powerful read, and offer excellent information and insights into our current and future times. (I did not want to “stir the pot” by introducing any religious controversy — especially among those who may be unaware that the Abrahamic faiths of Judaism, Islamism / Muslim, and Christian faiths are for THE FIRST TIME IN HUMAN HISTORY BECOMING UNITED AND ACTING FROM THE SAME PLAYBOOK — since the first 5 books of the Torah, Bible and Qu’ran are one and the same. Yet, since the birth of humankind, often violent religious and entrenched political dissensions have plagued these distinct spiritual groups and followers — for millennia!

Anyway, my friends, many things have been happening far beyond my control since 2000 — and to so many. I haven’t even discussed most of it, because for so long I have been dismissed as being “paranoid”. Haha.

Believe me, if I could wish much of it away — except for religious unification and peaceful respect and appreciation among those groups (we are all sisters and brothers before God), and NOT to negatively control, subjugate, or murder others (some things never change, unfortunately) — I definitely would:

• ie, Primarily robbing and undermining the vast majority of people of privacy and autonomy; and even safety;

• The death of democracy, and freedom of speech, thought, and information;

• Essentially disabling “public power”;

• Plus, the decreasing ability to hold powerful entities and individuals to account for massive power abuses and violations — in spite of the kangaroo court and totally rigged justice system we are seeing on TV, with supposed “jail sentences”, but who really knows? (Serial rapists, pedophiles, murderers — it doesn’t seem to matter.)

• Or my being a potential catalyst or contributor to various small developments, events, incidents and tragedies in my own spheres— THIS ESPECIALLY I WOULD CHANGE IN A HEARTBEAT 💓.

Thank you for your time in reading this. God bless you both, and Kusum and R. May the Almighty Lord shine his love and mercy on all of us.

All love and glory to Tooker Gomberg, in the name of God and Jesus. Amen. Shalom. Salaam alaikum.

Ever-flawed,

Lana

(For lack of being able to see or insert images from my media library — both from my device and WP…)

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